Do you trust me?

E32 Do you trust me?

Leanne Woff: ​ [00:00:00] Do you trust me? Welcome to today’s episode of The Audacious OBM. I’m Leanne [00:01:00] Woff and today we’re talking about all things trust. One of our wonderful listeners said to me, I was on your website and there’s nothing about trust. Can you do an episode on trust? Sure thing, I said. Now, trust is fundamental to every OBM Visionary, Client relationship.

Why is that? I find when you’re working closely with somebody, if there is no trust, things take a lot longer. And we start to have all of these emotions. Why don’t you trust me? Why can’t you just let me do my job? Why do you have to check everything? If I said I’m going to do it, then that means I’m going to do it.

If I’m saying this is a better way to do it, maybe it actually is. Do you not understand that I am an expert in everything that I do? I know what I’m doing. Why do you keep getting in the way? And then on the client side We [00:02:00] have, what are they doing? Have I given them enough information? Do they need my input?

Maybe I need to help them. Maybe I’ve given them too many things. Maybe I’ll just answer this email because then it’ll take another thing off their plate. Oh, I know they’ve probably done it, but what if they haven’t done it? And maybe I should just check and it goes on and on and on. we want things to be smooth sailing, we need to invest in our level of trust and building that foundation of trust. And that goes both ways. So I’m going to start with an example, a little story. You might be aware that I am an avid Disney fan. I love it. I grew up with it. It makes my heart happy. And one of my favorite Disney movies is Aladdin. Now, if you’ve seen Aladdin, there is a scene at the very beginning and [00:03:00] Aladdin is running through this crazy market in Agrabah and he’s towing along this servant girl.

She’d taken something and the guards were chasing her down. So now they’re chasing Aladdin and her and it’s getting very, very close and They’ve almost gotten caught and then it will be off to the dungeon for you. So Aladdin does this crazy jump. He says, do you trust me?

And jumps really far. Now, Jasmine, who unbeknownst to Aladdin is actually a princess, is standing there with this complete stranger, asking her to do this crazy jump. And all he has said is, do you trust me? And in that moment, she has two options. One, to trust him and trust him fast to make the [00:04:00] jump, or to hesitate.

And then, not trust him, which would end in her getting arrested by the guards, found out that she’s really the princess, and all the chaos that that would create. She decides to trust him, and makes the jump, and they get off. They run away, they don’t get caught, and it’s amazing. Then, we fast forward some scenes, and again, Jasmine is standing on her balcony.

Now, everybody knows that she’s the princess, and Aladdin appears, just next to the balcony. And he holds out his hand again. And he says, Do you trust me? And that’s the only thing he says. And again, she’s faced with a choice. Either I take his hand and agree, or I don’t and I stay exactly where I am. The difference between the two [00:05:00] scenarios this time is there’s no big pressure push here.

We’re not running away from anything. Now, Aladdin is offering her an opportunity. And she doesn’t know if it’s a good one or a bad one. She’s got no information other than Do you trust me? She can stay safe where she is, or she can take a risk. And she takes the risk. She grabs his hand, and he pulls her onto his magic carpet.

And then they fly. In the night sky. All across Agrabah. And she sees things that she would never have been able to see before. But if she had have said no, she would have missed that. So why am I telling you these two things? Because they tell us a little bit about the factors in trust. So the first one is, when we hesitate to trust, the consequence is pain.[00:06:00] 

And it doesn’t have to be physical pain, but there is usually a negative consequence to not trusting. Now, whether that’s big or little, it can be either. It might be as simple as, because I don’t trust you yet, I’m going to have to check all your work. And then that is going to take me far more time. I’m actually not getting as much benefit as I could from working with you because I don’t trust you.

And I still feel the need to check everything. So now the pain here is that extra time I’m spending. And then the other factor, When we do trust, we are opening ourselves to opportunities that would never have existed before. And we might not know exactly what they are yet. That’s the whole point of trusting.

What we can see is that when we give our trust to somebody, it exposes all of our vulnerabilities. What is going to happen if I say [00:07:00] yes, if I hand over control, if I put myself in this position? And I was wrong?

 We can also see on the flip side that lack of trust, it causes us as OBMs to become defensive and protective. Because I haven’t done anything to you to prove that I’m untrustworthy. So for the client, it’s not about you, it’s about them. And for you It’s not about the client, it’s about you. So how do we reconcile this gap?

How do we bridge it so that nobody is in this place of being fearful or being defensive? We manage the emotion. So a big part of the issue with trust and the reason that we struggle so much with it is because it brings up all kinds of emotions. And if we take a step back and we look at all the pieces on the playing field, not just what we see, [00:08:00] we can start to put together a practical plan.

But I’m going to tell you the way I have managed trust in the past, the way I’ve created trust with clients, where my boundaries are, and the way I’ve felt when I’ve been trusted or not trusted. Ultimately, a lack of trust comes from fear. And when we are dealing with any kind of fear, it can take a long time to work through and to work it out until you get a good result.

Now, you can do this with clients if they’re untrusting or they’re nervous or they’re hesitating. You can totally walk alongside them and get them comfy with trusting you. But it’s also important to know that you get to decide as well. You can walk alongside and take the journey or you can choose not to.

If you [00:09:00] do not have the patience or do not have high enough self esteem or confidence in your own self and skill, you might go, you know what, I don’t have the capacity right now to deal with your trust issues, or to be able to give you everything you need for this to be amazing. And it’s not a reflection on them and it’s not a reflection on you.

It’s just the reality. So I want to lead with that. I want you to know that you have choice, which brings me to knowing your boundary. For a long time, I would help my clients through the trust process. And sometimes it would take years. Sometimes it would be really quick. And after a while, I then decided, you know what, I have been doing this for a long time.

I have a reputation. I [00:10:00] have case studies. I have testimonials. I have clients you can go and speak to. And if that does not speak to the quality of person that I am and my ability to do my job and communicate clearly, then I’m not really doing the right thing, am I? It should be enough. So I came to the choice.

That my boundary would be, trust me first. This is how I operate with all of my suppliers. I trust them first. They’ve not given me any reason not to trust them. I can have all my own fear, all my own hang ups. I can wonder if they’re gonna do the right thing or the wrong thing.

But at the end of the day, it doesn’t get anyone anywhere. I decided, I want people to trust me based on what I say up front. To trust me with their business. To trust me with the decisions that I make and discuss with them. Because, [00:11:00] lack of trust makes everything a lot slower. The scale that I want to work at and the things that I want to tackle, I can’t really do that if there’s big hesitation, so then that became my boundary. Trust me first. If I prove you wrong, if I do something to break that trust and it wasn’t unintentional and I haven’t been able to fix it, then don’t work with me anymore, or let me go, or say it was the worst decision you ever made.

But don’t make that your starting point. Don’t make me prove myself before I even get in the door. Trust me first and I’ll trust you first. And so that’s what I talk about.

And you should know your boundary too. What legacy are you willing to go to, to establish the trust? And it is not a bad thing to try and support the journey of trust with your clients. There’s things that you can do. And there are things that [00:12:00] I still do to help this trusting relationship grow and evolve.

But I also know where my lines are

 in what is part of this journey. Part of this journey is. It’s establishing the foundation of trust right from the very beginning. And that means that when I have conversations with leads, I talk about trust, I talk about the different people that I’ve worked with. I think about the things that are going to give my potential clients, the confidence that I am who I say I am, that I can do what I say I can do.

And then I carry that with me throughout my whole onboarding process. And I reiterate the same things over and over. The things that will instill more trust. These are the results that I’ve been given. This is what clients have told me before. This is what you might be feeling right now and I get it. And all of those things [00:13:00] add to that solid foundation and I’m happy to do that.

I’ve done this lots of times. My clients might not have. And it also gives me the ability to start these relationships as partnerships. I’ll trust you. And you trust me, let’s do this together. The second thing that you can do when trying to establish trust is highlight the perks. Why should they trust you?

What’s in it for them? It’s interesting when you think of it, right? Now, I remember when a client said to me, Oh, I don’t know how I ever lived without you. And she trusted me before I’d even signed the contract. She, from the very beginning, was, I’m in are you in, let’s go. And from that minute [00:14:00] onwards, she trusted me first.

And it changed my view on a lot of things. Because, all of a sudden, what I said, it wasn’t questioned, it didn’t have fear around it. Whereas sometimes, even with ourselves, we’re thinking, I’m saying this, is that right? Is that wrong? Is that something silly to say? Whereas with this client, everything was a discussion, and everything was a conversation between partners.

And that trust issue wasn’t there. If I said I was going to do it, she trusted that I was going to do it. Did we have checks and balances? Absolutely yes. You need that. So were there Asana tasks that she could see got ticked off? Yes. Did she then go and look for evidence when I ticked an Asana task off to see that I’d actually done the thing?

No. She would talk about the relief that she felt. She knew that by behaving in this manner, she didn’t have to worry. [00:15:00] She actually didn’t have to think about any of the things or question the what ifs because she trusted me to do the thing. And if those what ifs were going to happen, they were going to happen anyway.

So it just gave her freedom. And so that’s one of the perks. There are many, there’s efficiency, there’s joy. There’s all kinds of perks that come with having a trusting relationship. And so talk about them, because otherwise, why should someone risk anything if there’s nothing in it for them? The next one is to share your insight.

Something I know about human beings is that we are creatures of habit. The more familiar we are with something, the more we see it over and over, the more we hear it over and over, the less fearful we are. How can we use that to help our clients trust us? We start small. And from the very beginning, [00:16:00] I’m conscious that what I say and what I do are the same.

And if I’m talking to somebody and I’m saying to them, Hey, this is what I want to do. Here’s why I want to do that. I share that little piece of me and I keep the theme consistent. So I’m sharing my knowledge, which shows them, okay, she’s really thought about this and she’s invested. She’s not just taking me for a ride.

She has understanding around this and that makes me feel safe and secure. You’re saying things that resonate with me. I’m worried about this and you’ve said it before I’ve even mentioned it. And that makes me feel safe and secure because it’s familiar, right? There’s a connection there. And then the next bit, Is the repeating the things that we say we’re going to do.[00:17:00] 

I’m going to go and do this and it can be a little thing. Hey, you’ll get an email from me in a few days, and then I’ll tell you the next steps. In a few days, make sure you send the email. Hey, let’s jump on a Zoom call. And then we’re going to talk about these four things. And by the end of it, we’ll know this is going to be the result of this activity.

And so then, follow what you’ve said. And it seems small, but particularly at the start, it’s that consistency that eliminates the fear and builds the trust. Because what they’re seeing is that repeated, Ah, she says she’s going to do it, so it means she will. She says it’s going to be this way, so it will. I don’t need to worry about it.

And so we’re calming all the nerves all around. And it’s not a hard thing to do. It’s a little thing, but it goes a long way.

Now, the other thing is to [00:18:00] eliminate the unknowns. So a big part of fear is wondering about the future, is wondering what’s going to happen. Is the good thing going to happen? Is the bad thing going to happen? Is something that I don’t even know about going to happen? The more we can eliminate that fear of the unknown, the easier it will be for your clients to trust you because they can see the step by step plan.

They have something that feels tangible to hold on to. And so that ties in with the doing what we say we’re going to do and giving them the knowledge and understanding of what they can expect next.

The next thing is to repeat the facts. Hey! I’ve spent four hours doing this task. It’s done now, and here is the outcome of it. But, if I [00:19:00] was able to see the analytics, I would be able to tell you how we can do this in two hours. Or I would be able to tell you what the ROI is on this activity and how we can alter it to get a better result.

But I need you to let me see the analytics. I need you to give me a little bit more information. I need you to trust me a little bit more. And in this situation, we’re giving them the facts of what is right now, here is what’s happening, but here’s what could happen if you would trust me. And it’s constantly reiterating that.

Because then it’s their choice. It’s their choice whether they get the opportunity or they miss out because they’re too scared.

The next thing is to ask the question. So many times I’ve [00:20:00] been in a conversation with a client and I’ve had conversations with OBMs telling me about their conversations with clients, and we’re trying to work out what the hesitation is. Why is this person doing this? Or why won’t they just say yes? And sometimes we forget to just ask, How do you feel about this?

Hey, tell me your thought process here. What are you worried about? Are you worried about giving me more access? Are you worried about sharing your password with me? Because do you know that you can use LastPass? And then you can revoke the access the second that you’re ready. Whatever it might be, our default is to brainstorm and assume and troubleshoot before there’s an issue, when sometimes all that’s needed is to have a genuine conversation and go, Hey, [00:21:00] this is restricting me from doing my best work. This is making my job harder and I don’t want that for me or you. I want you to get the best ROI. So can you let me know what I can do to help you here? What is it that you’re worried about? And have the conversation. You’ll be surprised at what comes out of it.

Next thing is to explain the consequences. What I found really effective is when something’s happening over and over again, and I feel unheard, is to repeat the facts. Hey, I’ve done this and it’s taken me three times as long because you won’t give me the script that you use. Hey, I’ve done this. It’s taken me 40 times as long because I’ve had to check every single team member’s work, even though Asana shows it all.

It’s [00:22:00] explaining the consequences of something. Hey, yes, I can manually go and check that every email has been entered, or we can trust that the automation did its job. And I can just check a few, and then that way we know we’ve got an error, or not. And then explaining what the follow on consequence is.

Okay, I’m going to have more time. If I had more time, then I could actually be creating more email content to nurture those people. But I can’t do it if I’m spending all my time just checking that the emails went in. And then that’s not actually getting us anywhere. So it’s explaining. So sticking to the facts of this is the reality.

And here’s the possibility. This is what could be going on if you were happy to work with me a little bit more. Take my hand. Do you trust me? And sometimes that’s all they need. They need to know someone is with them and that you’re [00:23:00] a person and that you are trustworthy.

The second last thing I want to talk to you about is about keeping your eyes open. As people, there’s only so much we can deal with. Let’s be honest, and sometimes other people’s brokenness is just that, it’s their brokenness, not yours. And what your job is, is to evaluate how much you’re willing to push.

How long are you willing to stand on the magic carpet with your hand out and say, do you trust me? Do you trust me?

And the last thing is to evaluate how you feel along the way. Because if you can look at the feelings you have inside, feel like I’m being micromanaged. I feel like [00:24:00] the work I do isn’t good enough. I feel like the bar is too high and I’m set up to fail. What are all the things you’re thinking and feeling that are coming back down to you don’t feel like someone is trusting you?

Believe it or not, some of these things are just stories. My work isn’t good enough and that’s why this person has to check everything I do. When the reality might be, your work is amazing and they’re blown away and they’re so grateful that every time they check your work it’s perfect, they’re checking it because the last person that they worked with got everything wrong and they trusted first and they got really badly burnt.

Again. Not your problem, and it’s your choice how far you walk next to this person on this journey. But none of it was because your work wasn’t good either. We really need to be [00:25:00] evaluating what our thought process is and the assumptions that we’re making based on what we’re seeing and then explaining that.

And these are the big hard conversations and they’re uncomfortable, let’s be honest. It’s not fun. It’s not all smiles and rainbows, but if you can get through that little bit, the relationship you end up with is amazing. And then you have this mutually beneficial, enjoyable, working relationship where all of these trust things are diminished to the point where your clients are willing to risk more because the advice has come from you.

I trust her. So if she’s saying, Hey, maybe we should do this. There’s probably merit to it. And even if it goes badly, she’ll help me fix it. And that’s okay. So I hope that that has given you a lot of insight [00:26:00] and a lot of tactics you can use into building trust with clients and giving you a little bit of the confidence that you need to make the choices on who you work with and how far you support people in this journey.

I’d love to know what you think. Please leave me a comment. If you enjoyed this episode, leave me a five star review. And if you have questions, at Leanne Woff, DM me on Instagram. I want to talk to you. I want to hear your voice. This doesn’t have to be a one way conversation. I’ll see you next week.

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